Hand In My Chalkbag by Ilana Stern
sung to the tune of Hand in my Pocket by Alanis Morissette
I'm young and I'm fearless
I'm sport and I'm trad
It's nice so I'm climbing, yeah
I'm strong but I'm careful
I'm short but I'm flexible
I'm setting a tri-cam, baby
But what it all comes down to
Is I haven't got this move figured out just yet.
Cause I've got one hand in my chalkbag
And the other is holding an undercling.
I'm tired and I'm shaking
I'm hanging on tight
I'm desperately clipping, baby
I'm pumped but I'm breathless
I'm losing my finger-strength
I'm weak and I'm falling, catch me!
I think I'm gonna come down to my friend,
And I hope everything's gonna work out all right
Cause I've got one hand on a sloper
And the other hand's sliding out of a fingerlock.
The Gear Song by retrograde
sung to the tune of Battle Hymn of the Republic by Julia Ward Howe
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the drilling of the bolt,
It was placed where even Spiderman could never get a hold,
It's above a drop so sickening Dean Potter would revolt,
GONNA PLACE THAT BOLT RIGHT NOW.
Glory, glory hallelujah,
Glory, glory hallelujah,
Glory, glory hallelujah,
I'm not gonna die just yet.
Mine eyes have seen the horror of the pulling of the cam,
I have shovelled up the victims -- the consistency of Spam,
After, gibbering in horror, I have watched them go ka-SLAM!
GONNA PLACE THAT BOLT RIGHT NOW.
(chorus)
I've experienced the anguish of the popping of the nut
I've felt the unique sensation of hard granite on my butt
I've cursed the soul of Chouinard as my sphincter's slamming shut,
GONNA PLACE THAT BOLT RIGHT NOW.
(chorus)
I will drill it in the monzonite, I'll hammer on the grit,
I'll bolt everything from granite down to manky chossy shit,
I'll be known as RetroClimber and won't be ashamed a bit,
GONNA PLACE THAT BOLT RIGHT NOW!
(chorus)
Gunks 5.9 by Dawn Alguard
sung to the tune of Lying Eyes by Jessie Seyfer
Gunks climbers just seem to find out early
How to pull a roof without a sweat
A big old jug and you don't have to worry
Throw yourself onto the ledge and have a rest.
And, my oh my, we sure know how to arrange things
Never 20 feet without a stance
A bomber crack is there to put your gear in
So step up to the roof with confidence.
But you can't climb no Gunks 5.9
Cause your style is not as good as mine
Vist here and you'll start to whine
There ain't no way to climb that Gunks 5.9
No, you can't climb no Gunks 5.9
Cause your guns are not as big as mine
If you visit here, we know you'll whine
There ain't no way to climb that Gunks 5.9
Ain't it funny, you can't climb that Gunks 5.9
Chop It Easy by Gary Fikes
sung to the tune of Take it Easy
Well, I'm a-climbing up the route
a little scared no doubt
I've got seven bolts on my mind
Four put in by pussies
Two put in by wussies
One that I admit is mine
Chop it easy, chop it easy
Don't let the sound of your own drill
Drive you crazy
Pull it out while you still can
Don't even try to understand
Just find a bolt and make your stand
And chop it easy
Well, I'm jamming in the corner on The Mace in Arizona
And such a shit sight to see
It's a bolt, my lord, what a great big turd
would place such a piece crap for me?
Come on Pussie, can you say Wussie?
I gotta know if your small sack is gonna save me
It will pull and I will win
And you'll never climb here again
So twist it out, punch it in
So chop it easy
Well, I'm a-hanging on the pro
Trying to loosen that 'Ho
Got a world of trouble for this fool
Crankin' on that head, turning all those threads
She's so hard to pull
Chop it easy, chop it easy
Don't let the sound of own drill drive you crazy
Come on pussie, don't say it's safety
I already know this pro ain't gonna save me
Oh, we pulled it easy, it came out easy...
Last modified 2004-February-16